Cycle Breakers

Who is a cycle breaker?

If you have been exposed to traumatic, abusive, homophobic, or patriarchal structures that questioned the very essence of your existence, and painfully detached yourself from what once seemed like home, you are a cycle breaker. If you were a victim to cycles of constant neglect and shame and decided that you deserved better, you are a cycle breaker. If you had to break cycles of generational trauma to survive, you are one.

What does it take?

Despite what the poets say, the pain really isn’t beautiful. Breaking cycles is a process that will demand your emotional space, time, and energy. You might have been called a rebel, sometimes even termed the ungrateful. You’re let to live in doubt and flinch at your name. Second-guessing and stopping at every turn, the journey is undeniably hard.

What do you need to know?

• • We’re sorry that you’ve got to/had to deal with this alone. This world didn’t have to be a cruel place, nevertheless, it turned out as one. It feels like the world has wronged you; it has.
• • Healing is necessary to break the cycle, but forgiveness is a choice. To heal, you necessarily need not burn your memory or disguise your wounds. You need not forgive or forget unless you want to. The human memory is delicate and the impressions last forever.
• • You’re not revolting. You’re not ungrateful. You’re rightfully claiming the environment you deserve.
• • It’s okay to wish that somebody before you did it for you. Every feeling you’re feeling is valid.
• • Sometimes there are parts of you that you need to leave behind. Sometimes there are parts of you that you need to carry on. Let nobody else decide on what you’re allowed to leave behind.
• • The fact that someone else chose to bring you into the world does not necessarily mean that you owe them the entirety of your existence.
• • There might be bricks you need to rename and walls you need to break down. It might seem like forever but trust the process.
• • You might have a crowd clapping for you, but nobody is going to run along. Run at your own pace.

Will tomorrow be better?

“Time didn’t heal, but it anesthetized. The human mind could only feel so much.”

― P.D. James

Some of these marks, scars, or wounds might refuse to leave. What might change is the effect they have on you. Maybe someday, when the pain subsides, you’ll look at your scars, and they will stop reminding you of the knife. Maybe one day they’ll remind you of the fight you fought and won. Maybe one day it’ll all just be a memory. Maybe one day it’ll not hurt you anymore. Someday you’re going to breathe the air you deserve and feel at home.

Writer: Annie Iniya J